More Cbus processing

I thought I was done processing...running has felt fun again...but obviously I'm not.  Lots of stuff just keeps coming up.  All the stupid little things that I didn't deal with in the middle of training, are coming up as wrinkles now.  I realize there was no balance ~ it was all training

These are the cards I got from my XC kids.  The first one was signed by everyone (I would have posted the picture of that, but for some reason it keeps loading upside down)  the second is from Lilly Awesome.  It came with a jar of pickles because "pickles save lives".  

I've also included the card I got from the team at the XC banquet.  It's really nice & I wanted to remember it.

But really what started this was listening to the Marathon Training Academy podcast episode, "What I've Learned from 50 Marathons".  I'm listening to Angie talk as I'm running on the treadmill for the first time in MONTHS...and she says: "The marathon reveals what is inside."  And I'm like...yep.

This is really personal for me. (and hard to put into words)  I want to prove to myself that I can do something really really hard.  And I'm scared by that.  Like way-down-deep scared.  Like that middle-schooler-totally-irrational-I'm-worthless feeling.

And that's where I need to start.  I am worthy.  And so are all the people around me.  There is a worth to all of us and it's bigger than just a BQ ~ or meeting a stupid goal you've set for yourself.  We're all worthy of love and respect and kindness.  

I'm sure that doesn't make sense...but it does to me.  And I see where I need to work.