CHS

A serious post today ~ usually I stay away from these, not because nothing serious ever happens to me, but because I usually sound too cliche when I try to express serious topics.  But this one is too much not to note.
The news came via a co-worker early this morning that there was a shooting at Chardon High School.  How do I describe the thoughts and feelings I felt?  Sadness, fear, anger, thankfulness that it wasn't in Madison...it was all there.  Overwhelmingly, I wanted to take Jacob and Gracie, get in my car, drive to MHS, pick up Patrick and go home and be safe together.
Every time I hear about a school shooting it is hard to deal with; I'm a teacher and a parent, but in CHARDON?  So close? So like Madison.  Why does this happen?  Kirsten had a co-worker say, "That's a big school.  Why didn't they have metal detectors?"  BECAUSE IT'S CHARDON.  While school shootings DO happen in places like that ~ it's still CHARDON...it's MADISON...it's NEWBURY.  It won't happen in those places.  No matter how many lock-down drills we have, it just seems all for practice.  You can't believe it's really a possibility.
Close to home.  Husbands and friends who work there.  Cousins who go there.  Acquaintances who live there.  I used to live there.  Mike used to coach there.  We play them in football and soccer and tennis.  Unbelievable.
The talk at lunch was all about this.  How would we react?  Would we be the teacher who chased the kid from the building?  Would we hide in the corner?  I just don't think we really know what we would do.  I really think I'd protect my charges.  I can't see myself turning away when I could stop the situation, but I don't know.  And I pray I never have to find out.
I came home and hugged my kids.  Telling Patrick I had to because there are moms in Chardon who sent their kids to school this morning and now won't ever get to hug them again.
Mike texted his mom, "That's why I tell my kids I love them EVERY DAY."
Mike walked in the door and just opened his arms.  Not even realizing how close my emotions were to the surface, I just fell into them and started crying.  There really are no words to express the chaos I feel in my heart.
As humans we always try to bring order to our world.  We try to make sense out of the senseless.  I see no sense in this kind of violence and hatred.