I wrote the following Monday, October 16: {You is John Distler ~ as I was writing it for him, as my coach}
My feelings about the 2017 Columbus Marathon {where it wasn’t 32 degrees at the start} 30 hours after the fact…
I am super proud of my training. You had me doing crazy-ass things like hill repeats at 9,000 feet and progression runs and 10 mile runs at 4:30 in the morning. I hit almost every single pace you set for me ~ and I was as confident as can be that I could maintain an 8:50/mile pace for 26.2. I have it in my legs and my lungs ~ maybe not as in my head as could be, but I was pushing out the doubt with positive thoughts. The first taper week was anxiety ridden. I was a MESS. Felt like I was a middle school girl all over again. But after tears in Maryland...I put my head on straight and focused on what I could do; sleep, eat & not get sick. In retrospect, and I don’t know exactly how to say this, it meant too much to me. I was wound too tight at the start. The start of Cbus is crazy adrenaline building ~ but I was already there {Bruce was singing to me and I was singing back}
Mile 1 ~ working on slow. I was doing it too...watch said 8:46, ran up a hill and turned the corner where my watch beeped mile 1 at 8:16...I swear it was a Garmin glitch. I didn’t see the mile flag for another .19 & my watch was off by .2 for every flag after that. (actually read 26.54 at the finish). I believe I didn’t screw up mile 1…
Mile 2 -14 ~ finding my groove. Felt GREAT. Plan was to take a salt tab every 3 miles or so & I managed that throughout this time. Took water at each station (except the first one which was on the FAR LEFT ~ 5 lanes over from where I was running ~ only time water wasn’t on both sides) At mile 11ish (I think) I took my Carb Boom. It didn’t really sit right in my stomach, but I made myself eat it all over a mile or so. I knew I was getting warm, so I started dumping water on my neck. Not a lot, but enough to feel the cool. I was right on target this whole time.
Mile 15 ~ I knew this started the uphill portion, so I wasn’t too worried that it was a 9:06/mile. Then the thoughts started coming…”this is where I should start to speed up” “I don’t have it in me to push harder” And my stomach was starting to roll...which doesn’t happen to me. I probably should have taken more salt, but I was afraid to eat. I started taking Gatorade and water at the stops and sipping my Tailwind.
Mile 16 ~ still going...but the dark thoughts were strong. “This sucks.” “I’m hot.” “I still have 10 miles” “even when I make it to 18, that’s still 8 miles out” 9:34/mile
Mile 17(10:17/mile) - 18 (14:13/mile) ~ I needed to do something. I was hot and my stomach was not happy (thinking back, I wonder if I’m using that as an excuse...I am scarred by Cleveland & my ice bath). I started walking, pulled out my orange and ate half of it. Walked to the next water stop, took Gatorade & water and kept walking. “8 miles...I’m not going to finish this…” ‘I will never run another one of these.” “Who cares about Boston?” I broke. That’s the thing that makes me the saddest. I broke. That’s on me. This is when the 4:00 pace group passed me...and I didn’t cry.
Then a guy came up alongside & said, “Walk to the bridge and then get going again. You know what you need to do.” Exactly what I needed to hear. So I rolled my eyes & started running again.
Mile 19 ~ 10:56/mile ~ walking through the waterstop...and a little further ~ almost stopped at the aid station to get some ice, but was a little afraid they would take my temperature first...so I ran past.
Mile 20 ~ 12:08/mile ~ walking more than the waterstop
Mile 21 ~ drank beer ~ was amazing ~ 9:52/mile
Mile 22 ~ I just need to keep going ~ 9:57/mile
Mile 23 ~ I totally suck, but I’m not quitting ~ 10:53/mile
Mile 24 ~ I really suck, but I can do 2 more miles ~ 10:14...helped when I saw Kelly & she ran with me without talking. I felt so bad that you all came to witness my failure.
Mile 25 ~ This thing will be done 10:32/mile. Total failure felt when I saw you. Like a little kid, I wanted to make you proud of me. I wanted your first coaching to be a success & bring you more peeps.
Mile 26 ~ 10:37/mile ~ And, good Lord, .20 is a LONG distance.
Ran the last .54 at 9:08/mile
Totally not what I pictured at the finish, but I’m proud I didn’t throw a temper tantrum...didn’t even want to. I congratulated people around me and commiserated about the weather and watched people getting their temperature taken… waited to cry on Dodd’s ironman jacket & your shoulder and Mike’s shoulder and in the car.
I didn’t have any more in me. I put it all out there ~ so I wasn’t disappointed in that… Just heartbroken that I set a goal and wasn’t even close to it...and I broke. That sucks.
What I know:
1. 26.2 is a long distance every single time you do it. It doesn’t get shorter like the half does.
2. I need to be able to mentally get through 16-19 ~ and the training that may take scares me.
3. I really learned how to “run the mile you’re in” during my training. I did not apply this to the actual race.
4. The heat/humidity is out of my control.
5. Physically I was ready for this. I’m not really sore today, no more than I was after the Rock Hall half ~ and nothing hurts like my calf did after that race.
6. Mike told me on the way home that the feelings of disappointment I had were the exact reason he doesn’t set goals and work harder. {He had enough of that during his wrestling career.} There’s some merit in that. Yesterday I agreed with him, but typing this...I’m not done. I really deep down want this. I’m pissed off at myself and know I can do better.
So I’m sad, and I’m mad and I had to smile all day and agree that finishing is an accomplishment...which I know it is...but…
