I wrote the following Monday, October 16: {You is John Distler ~ as I was writing it for him, as my coach}
My feelings about the 2017 Columbus Marathon {where it wasn’t 32 degrees at the start} 30 hours after the fact…
I am super proud of my training. You had me doing crazy-ass things like hill repeats at 9,000 feet and progression runs and 10 mile runs at 4:30 in the morning. I hit almost every single pace you set for me ~ and I was as confident as can be that I could maintain an 8:50/mile pace for 26.2. I have it in my legs and my lungs ~ maybe not as in my head as could be, but I was pushing out the doubt with positive thoughts. The first taper week was anxiety ridden. I was a MESS. Felt like I was a middle school girl all over again. But after tears in Maryland...I put my head on straight and focused on what I could do; sleep, eat & not get sick. In retrospect, and I don’t know exactly how to say this, it meant too much to me. I was wound too tight at the start. The start of Cbus is crazy adrenaline building ~ but I was already there {Bruce was singing to me and I was singing back}
Mile 1 ~ working on slow. I was doing it too...watch said 8:46, ran up a hill and turned the corner where my watch beeped mile 1 at 8:16...I swear it was a Garmin glitch. I didn’t see the mile flag for another .19 & my watch was off by .2 for every flag after that. (actually read 26.54 at the finish). I believe I didn’t screw up mile 1…
Mile 2 -14 ~ finding my groove. Felt GREAT. Plan was to take a salt tab every 3 miles or so & I managed that throughout this time. Took water at each station (except the first one which was on the FAR LEFT ~ 5 lanes over from where I was running ~ only time water wasn’t on both sides) At mile 11ish (I think) I took my Carb Boom. It didn’t really sit right in my stomach, but I made myself eat it all over a mile or so. I knew I was getting warm, so I started dumping water on my neck. Not a lot, but enough to feel the cool. I was right on target this whole time.
Mile 15 ~ I knew this started the uphill portion, so I wasn’t too worried that it was a 9:06/mile. Then the thoughts started coming…”this is where I should start to speed up” “I don’t have it in me to push harder” And my stomach was starting to roll...which doesn’t happen to me. I probably should have taken more salt, but I was afraid to eat. I started taking Gatorade and water at the stops and sipping my Tailwind.
Mile 16 ~ still going...but the dark thoughts were strong. “This sucks.” “I’m hot.” “I still have 10 miles” “even when I make it to 18, that’s still 8 miles out” 9:34/mile
Mile 17(10:17/mile) - 18 (14:13/mile) ~ I needed to do something. I was hot and my stomach was not happy (thinking back, I wonder if I’m using that as an excuse...I am scarred by Cleveland & my ice bath). I started walking, pulled out my orange and ate half of it. Walked to the next water stop, took Gatorade & water and kept walking. “8 miles...I’m not going to finish this…” ‘I will never run another one of these.” “Who cares about Boston?” I broke. That’s the thing that makes me the saddest. I broke. That’s on me. This is when the 4:00 pace group passed me...and I didn’t cry.
Then a guy came up alongside & said, “Walk to the bridge and then get going again. You know what you need to do.” Exactly what I needed to hear. So I rolled my eyes & started running again.
Mile 19 ~ 10:56/mile ~ walking through the waterstop...and a little further ~ almost stopped at the aid station to get some ice, but was a little afraid they would take my temperature first...so I ran past.
Mile 20 ~ 12:08/mile ~ walking more than the waterstop
Mile 21 ~ drank beer ~ was amazing ~ 9:52/mile
Mile 22 ~ I just need to keep going ~ 9:57/mile
Mile 23 ~ I totally suck, but I’m not quitting ~ 10:53/mile
Mile 24 ~ I really suck, but I can do 2 more miles ~ 10:14...helped when I saw Kelly & she ran with me without talking. I felt so bad that you all came to witness my failure.
Mile 25 ~ This thing will be done 10:32/mile. Total failure felt when I saw you. Like a little kid, I wanted to make you proud of me. I wanted your first coaching to be a success & bring you more peeps.
Mile 26 ~ 10:37/mile ~ And, good Lord, .20 is a LONG distance.
Ran the last .54 at 9:08/mile
Totally not what I pictured at the finish, but I’m proud I didn’t throw a temper tantrum...didn’t even want to. I congratulated people around me and commiserated about the weather and watched people getting their temperature taken… waited to cry on Dodd’s ironman jacket & your shoulder and Mike’s shoulder and in the car.
I didn’t have any more in me. I put it all out there ~ so I wasn’t disappointed in that… Just heartbroken that I set a goal and wasn’t even close to it...and I broke. That sucks.
What I know:
1. 26.2 is a long distance every single time you do it. It doesn’t get shorter like the half does.
2. I need to be able to mentally get through 16-19 ~ and the training that may take scares me.
3. I really learned how to “run the mile you’re in” during my training. I did not apply this to the actual race.
4. The heat/humidity is out of my control.
5. Physically I was ready for this. I’m not really sore today, no more than I was after the Rock Hall half ~ and nothing hurts like my calf did after that race.
6. Mike told me on the way home that the feelings of disappointment I had were the exact reason he doesn’t set goals and work harder. {He had enough of that during his wrestling career.} There’s some merit in that. Yesterday I agreed with him, but typing this...I’m not done. I really deep down want this. I’m pissed off at myself and know I can do better.
So I’m sad, and I’m mad and I had to smile all day and agree that finishing is an accomplishment...which I know it is...but…
Since I had such an amazing race last weekend doing a 5k...I thought I'd do it again, only twice as long this weekend. AND the 10k was the same price as the 5k {I know, silly reason}
I'm very happy with how I ran. And despite icy and hilly conditions AND being stopped by the police to let traffic pass on Richmond Road...I was only 30 seconds off a PR. Kinda pisses about the traffic stop...but what can you do? Who knows if that breather actually helped me on the final hill. And we'll never have that answer.
And then there were the Grand Prix prizes. I was pretty sure I was second or third in my age group. Marcella was ahead of me, having only run 8 Grand Prix races, I knew she had me on participation points. They did men first and both Mike and Dodd placed third in their age groups! Go Mike! He was so excited because he had been so far down the list. Then they called the women...Marcella placed first in our age group followed by two people I didn't even know. I didn't place. I was shocked and rather disappointed. It was the first time I didn't place in the Grand Prix. Then they called the overall masters...and I placed third there (just behind Barni!) It doesn't speak very highly of my character, but I was relieved. And excited. I won a bottle of wine too :)
This month also brought a fun reunion. We were at Mount for a swim meet and went for a walk between dive events. Bailey was going to text us if the next diving round started so when Mike's phone dinged, I asked if it was Bailey. "No," he said, "It's Brian Matthews." Brian asked if we were at the swim meet...because he was in the gym watching his daughter on the dance team. We have not seen Brian in over 10 years. What a great surprise. Then this past Tuesday, we went back to Mount to the wrestling alumni night. It was fun to see some people we knew, and talk to others who knew us. Mike had a great time and Jacob finally got to meet Coach Monty.
